#8 - I've Made It.

Today was S. & my 1 year anniversary. It doesn't seem like very long, especially when you throw into the mix that we have an almost-one month old son. It's crazy how fast things happened between us.

But, it's refreshing to sit back and think about our relationship and realize how truly blessed I am - we are. One full year without a single fight. One full year with nothing but love and affection for each other. One full year of pure happiness. 

When I was with my ex, I thought it was "real"... I thought it was "forever". Granted, I was 15 when we got together and "fell in love". 3 years together, and I never thought I'd get over him. But, we had our first huge fight right off the bat. And we spent the next 3 years in a demented power struggle with each other. And now, I can't even believe I wasted my time. There used to be a time when I couldn't go a day without thinking about him. Now, he rarely crosses my mind. We're still friends, but in a "grown up" way.. ha.

Anyway, the point is, I thought I knew "love". But it didn't even hold a candle to this past year. I've never experience this kind of overwhelming feeling for ANYONE. 

And the best part is this:

For the first time in my life, I KNOW that I am loved. There's no guessing game with us, no distrust, no wondering... I never have to ask myself if I'm SURE he feels the same way. I never have to question his feelings. 

Even now, with me being 60 lbs heavier than I was when we started dating a year ago, with my c-section scar and the flab that droops over it, my too-long messy hair, and the fact that I rarely wear make up, or get dressed up (or even have any clothes that fit me properly) - he still looks at me as if I am a jewel. He still says "I love you" with that same tenderness that makes me melt inside.

So, Happy Anniversary to S. and I. I am truly blessed.

Besides that, L. will be 4 weeks old on Tuesday. We've hit some speedbumps - he still does not eat well (he nurses for over an hour at a time! Tonight it was 2 and he was still hungry!)... I think it's partially my fault. My milk supply is low. He fusses and screams and cries often, out of pain. He has reflux which makes him hurt... and he won't sleep on hisback anymore. Sometimes I feel I can't handle it - I just want to pull my hair out and scream. But I'm getting through. 

Besides all that, he's an angel. He's absolutely beautiful. I've never met a more perfect soul. I love him.