#2: Where are we now?

So my last post took you back to my fourth week of pregnancy and described how I discovered I was pregnant and how my boyfriend and I handled the news.  A few key details I should have added there:

*Stuart and I have only been together since February 8th, 2008. So we had been dating for 3 months when I found out I was 1 month pregnant. Not an ideal situation. 

*My mother and I were not speaking at the time. We had gotten into a fight in April, most likely about me moving in with Stuart for the summer. I don't remember, to be honest. W

e hadn't seen each other since my Spring Break in March.

*I had just finished my first year in college... so I still had 3 years left (2.5 at this point in time). 

So now, 30 weeks have passed. This coming Sunday I will be 34 weeks pregnant. What has happened in that time?

Well.. to be honest, I couldn't really tell you. It's been a blur. I've had a difficult pregnancy, however. A bout with pre-term labor, lots of little scares (apparently bleeding is normal for me during pregnancy, as it has not indicated any problems), lots of hospital visits that were completely uneccesary. 

We found out at 18 weeks that we are having a little boy. We decided on a name pretty easily: Liam Peter. He will be taking Stuart's last name. 

Now, I'm more eager than ever to get this little boy out! I don't want to rush him (yes I do) but I want him to come as soon as he's healthy and ready... I can't stand being pregnant anymore. I have lost all my self-esteem.

This is where I was:

This is where I have ended up:

So yeah... obviously my life will never be the same. My body will never be what it once was. I will never have the freedom to party or just have "fun" like college students are supposed to do. I will have a baby to take care of. If I ever want a flat stomach again, it will take a LOT of working out... Guess it's good my college has a free gym, huh? Eh. The stretch marks will fade, but they'll always be... there. 

Oh well. I guess it will all be worth it when I'm holding my little boy in my arms.

All day long, I day dream about what it's going to be like. What will Liam look like? Will he have my eyes? His father's smile? What color hair will he have? Will he laugh a lot? Will he be a super strong-willed aggressive little guy, like everyone else in my family? Or will he be timid and reserved like Stuart's family? Will he be tiny and fragile? Or will he be 11 lbs and chunky? 

Every little kick, bump, roll, twitch, shudder, or hiccup just sends my mind wandering... This little boy has taken over me. I never knew how strong a mother's love could be even before birth. It's intoxicating, just knowing that there's this little person inside of you... That he started as a microscopic cell and grew into a little bean and eventually a mini man. I have images of tiny fingers curled around my thumb. Of a sleepy smile on a napping baby's face. 

Okay, this post has gotten de-railed. My next post I'll talk about some of the parenting choices we have made, and what we have been faced with in making these decisions.